Where Are You Going?
Actually, I’m not sure.
“You seem hurt. You seem lost. You seem like you need some help.”
They said, realign yourself. Whatever that means.
This is me attempting to realign myself in the way I know how. I write to feel. I write to know. It’s an attempt at clearing my head. I do not deny the story but own it. This is one way of finding out the ending: owning it. Let’s own it, shall we?
So. Realign myself to what? In an ideal world, one should realign with the purpose of existence. That’s where your heart, your deeper feelings, your mind should be. It’s always fluctuating hither and thither and surely isn’t where it should be now.
How does one begin to shift into place once you’ve come so far off? It seems like the solution is supposed to be simple and straightforward, and I don’t feel like I need any more convincing of that. I look around and see so many boasting of it’s embrace. I look this way. I look that way. I look their way. They seem to have it all figured out.
They look like they know where they’re going. They almost look grateful.
Is it perhaps in being grateful? Is it in being grateful for blessings that have been disguised as trials and tribulations? Or perhaps in accepting the reverse? Or even in accepting the blessings that are meant to be blessings, because Lord knows how we turn away most from things granted far too easily. Perhaps I have it all figured out now. Perhaps I am beating myself up too much. Perhaps I’m not making any sense at all!
I guess it’s just like music then. Or art. Or love. Veiled as both a blessing and a curse. Like some people who cross paths with you in life. Or nothing at all. Perhaps like this article said: embrace the anxiety and toil. It’ll work for you. Well, it’s not working for me!
Isn’t it in accepting one’s defeat that one finds closeness? In pouring your heart out. I believe in loving so strongly, so intimately, it’s almost out of control — having no control. Like with God — that though you’re not with God Himself, it must be a way back to Him. The purpose of my existence?
I keep mentioning they and what “they” think, say or do.
Nevermind them. Just go easy on yourself. We’re all a little lost some days.
